“我不想睡,妈妈,”我朦朦胧胧地念叨,我心里装的都是那些迷幻而幸福的梦想。还是小孩的我抵挡不住那浓浓的睡意,眼皮慢慢合了起来,刹那间就进入了沉沉的梦乡,直到最终被人唤醒。朦胧间,我觉得有人用手在轻轻地抚摩我,这种触摸的感觉告诉我,是妈妈的手。睡梦中的我情不自禁地à住那只手,把它牢牢地按在嘴唇上。所有的人都已?离开,客厅里只剩下一根燃烧的蜡烛。妈妈说,她要自己叫醒我。妈妈坐在我睡的那张椅子的扶手上,用她那温暖的手抚摸着我的头发,用我熟悉的、暖人的声音在我耳边说:“起来吧,我的乖宝贝,该去睡觉了。”
她不会因为任何人嫉妒的眼光而有丝毫犹疑:她根本不顾虑把她的全部温柔和慈爱赋予我。我合着眼,只是一次又一次地亲她的手。
“起来吧,我的天使!”
她的另外一只手搂住我的脖子。手指滑过脖子,让我觉得很痒痒。房间里没有一点儿声音,光线忽明忽暗,但挠痒让我精神振奋,睡意全无。此刻,妈妈就坐在我的身边——这我感觉得到——充满爱意地抚摩着我;我听到她的声音,真实地感觉到她的气息。我赶紧跳了起来,双手抱住妈妈的脖颈,把头钻进她的怀里,叹息了一声,说道:“噢,亲爱的,亲爱的妈妈,我多么爱你呀!”
妈妈露出忧郁而迷人的微笑,然后用双手托住我的头,亲亲我的前额,最后抱起来让我坐在她的腿上。“这么说,你十分爱我?”她停了片刻,随后说,“记住,你一定要永远爱我,永远不要忘了我。如果妈妈不在这儿了,你能保证永远不忘掉她吗?永远不忘记,尼古林卡(尼古à斯的小名)?”她更加轻柔地亲我。
“不,不要这么说,我亲爱的妈妈,我最亲爱的妈妈!”我喊了起来,使劲抱住她的双腿,爱和狂喜的泪水止不住地往下流。
所有的事情都过去后,我回到楼上,虔诚地站在圣像前祷告:“主啊,求你祝福我的爸爸和妈妈。”幼稚的我重复着为亲爱的妈妈祈祷——我对她的爱和对上帝的爱神奇地融合在了一起。
说完祈祷词后,我爬进被窝,心情是又轻快,又平和,又快乐。美梦接二连三,我梦见了什么呢?它们大都很模糊,但都充满了纯洁的爱和对幸福的向往。随后,我就把我宠爱的瓷玩具—— 一只小狗或者一只小兔——放到枕头后面的床角,看着它们如此安逸温暖地躺在那里,我就感到心满意足了。接着,我又祈祷,恳求上帝赐给大家幸福,让人们都心想事成,还恳求上帝让明天有个好天气,那样我们才能去散步;后来我·了一下身,思绪和梦境交织混杂在一起;最后,我舒服地进入了梦乡,脸上还留着湿漉漉的泪水。
只有童年时代才会有朝气蓬勃、心无杂念的心情,我们童年时对爱的向往和对信仰的坚定,在我们以后的人生岁月里真的还能再拥有吗?当天真的喜悦和对爱的无限渴求——这两种崇高的美德——成为生命中仅有的愿望,我们的生命中,还会有比这更美妙的事物吗?那些衷心的祈祷现在在哪里?最珍贵的礼物——由情感激发的纯洁泪水——现在又在哪里呢?守护天使曾降临在我们周围,微笑着拭去那些眼泪,指引我们进入那充满无法形容的童真乐趣的甜蜜梦境。难道生活在我们的心头划过的伤痕,已?让那些泪水和欢乐永远远离我们了吗?难道剩下的只是对昔日的回忆了吗?
守护天使降临在我们身边,微笑着拭去泪水,带着我们进入童真乐趣的甜蜜梦境。最美的梦里,永远有我们最纯真的年代——童年。
童年与诗
Childhood and Poetry
[智利]巴勃罗·聂鲁达/Pablo Neruda
巴勃罗·聂鲁达 (1904—1973),20世纪最伟大的à丁美洲诗人,智利外交官。1945年获智利国家文学奖。1950年获得国际和平奖。1953年获国际列宁和平奖。1971年获诺贝尔文学奖。第一部诗集《霞光》和成名作《二十首情诗和一支绝望的歌》带有浓厚的浪漫主义色彩。聂鲁达最重要的诗作是1950年完成的《诗歌总集》,此后陆续发表诗集《要素之歌》《葡萄和风》《一百首爱情十四行诗》等。
在à丁美洲文学史上,聂鲁达是现代主义思潮兴盛之后崛起的诗人,他的作品具有高度的思想性和艺术力量,对à丁美洲诗歌产生了深刻影响。
One time, investigating in the backyard of our house in Temuco the tiny objects and minuscule beings of my world, I came upon a hole in one of the boards of the fence. I looked through the hole and saw a landscape like that behind our house, uncared for, and wild. I moved back a few steps, because I sensed vaguely that something was about to happen. All of a sudden a hand appeared — a tiny hand of a boy about my own age. By the time I came close again, the hand was gone, and in its place there was a marvelous white sheep.
The sheep' s wool was faded. Its wheels had escaped. All of this only made it more authentic. I had never seen such a wonderful sheep. I looked back through the hole but the boy had disappeared. I went into the house and brought out a treasure of my own: a pinecone, opened, full of odor and resin, which I adored. I set it down in the same spot and went off with the sheep.
I never saw either the hand or the boy again. And I have never again seen a sheep like that either. The toy I lost finally in a fire. But even now, in 1954, almost fifty years old, whenever I pass a toy shop, I look furtively into the window, but it' s no use. They don' t make sheep like that anymore.
I have been a lucky man. To feel the intimacy of brothers is a marvelous thing in life. To feel the love of people whom we love is a fire that feeds our life. But to feel the affection that comes from those whom we do not know, from those unknown to us, who are watching over our sleep and solitude, over our dangers and our weaknesses — that is something still greater and more beautiful because it widens out the boundaries of our being, and unites all living things.
That exchange brought home to me for the first time a precious idea: that all of humanity is somehow together. That experience came to me again much later; this time it stood out strikingly against a background of trouble and persecution.
It won' t surprise you then that I attempted to give something resiny, earthlike, and fragrant in exchange for human brotherhood. Just as I once left the pinecone by the fence, I have since left my words on the door of so many people who were unknown to me, people in prison, or hunted, or alone.
That is the great lesson I learned in my childhood, in the backyard of a lonely house. Maybe it was nothing but a game two boys played who didn' t know each other and wanted to pass to the other some good things of life. Yet maybe this small and mysterious exchange of gifts remained inside me also, deep and indestructible, giving my poetry light.
有一次,在特木科我家后院里,我检查自己那些小物件和零零碎碎的东西时,发现围墙的挡板上有个洞,透过这个洞,我看到了外面一处荒凉的风景。我向后退了几步,隐约觉得有什么事情要发生。突然间,出现了一只手—— 一个与我年龄相仿的男孩的小手。这时,我再次走上前,那只手却拿开了,留在那里的是一只漂亮的白色绵羊玩具。
绵羊的毛褪色了,轮子也脱落了,但这一切都使它更加逼真。我还从没见过这么好看的绵羊。我又从洞里向外看,男孩已不见了。我回到屋里,拿出我自己的一件心爱之物:一枚裂开的松果,我非常喜欢它四溢的香气。我把它放在同一个地方,然后拿着绵羊走开了。
后来,我再也没见过那个男孩和那只手,再也没有见过那样漂亮的一只绵羊,因为在一场火灾中我失去了那个绵羊玩具。直到现在,1954年,年近五十的我,每当路过玩具店时,总是偷偷地向橱窗里张望,但是没有用。他们再也做不出那样的绵羊了。
我是个幸运的人。感受兄弟间的亲情是人生的一件快事,感受我们所爱的人对我们的关爱,是点燃我们生命的火。而那些与我们完全不相识,也一无所知的人,在我们睡着或孤独时看护着我们,监视我们面临的危险和弱点。他们给予我们的温情则更伟大、更美好,因为他们拓展了我们的空间,把所有的生命维系在一起。
那次交换第一次让我明白了这样一个珍贵的道理:不管怎样,人类是一个整体。后来,我再一次体会到这一点。这一次,在动乱与迫害的背景下,它被醒目地表现了出来。
那么,我试图用散发着松香和泥土芳香的东西换取人类的手足之情,就让你感到惊讶。就像我在栅栏旁留下松果一样,我曾把激励的话语留在很多人的门上,他们与我素昧平生,或者在狱中服刑,或者被追捕,或者是孤独的。
这是我在童年时期学到的重要一课,就在一所房子的后院中。也许这只不过是两个互不相识的孩子的一场游戏,只是想要传递生活中某些美好的东西给对方。然而,或许这一次渺小却又奇妙的礼物互换,会在我们内心深深地、永不泯灭地留存,为我的诗赋予光亮。
孩提时代的美好,不管时隔多么久远,我们依旧无法忘怀。不管是珍藏这份回忆,还是偶尔回到那种心态,都是幸福的!
年轻与年老
Youth and Age
[英国]罗伯特·路易斯·史蒂文/Robert Louis Stevenson