"Come on!" I said through clenched teeth as I pulled her along toward the path that would lead us away from the beach. She hopped alongside of me, seething and jibbering. I realized she was trying to tell me something. Her unintelligible words alternated with jagged sobs as she shifted her weight from one foot to another. Her feet!Now that we were out of the surf, the sand was scalding hot. I had been clutching her thongs all along."I' m so sorry, sweetie. Put these on." I slipped her thongs on her trembling feet.
That was weeks ago. Now it was September, and I was back on the beach, alone. As I walked the beach, tears welled up in my eyes. I could see the image of my daughter earlier that morning, heading into her freshly painted kindergarten classroom for her first day of school. Her new day pack was slung proudly over her shoulder. The design of yellow and purple puppies and kittens verified her tender years.
I' d driven straight to the beach after dropping her off. There was something so reassuring in the never-ending cresting and breaking of the waves. I hoped the pounding surf would soothe my anxious thoughts.
I had dreamed of this day for years—five to be exact. I dreamed of this day when she was only a year old and she spent her days lurching through the house unsteadily, learning to walk. I was so concerned that she might maim herself. I followed her around, hovering with arms outstretched like a giant bear.
When she was two, I needed a break from full-time mommyhood badly. I had left her with my parents. Since the job required me on frequent business tours, whenever I heard her tiny little voice over the long-distance phone lines, my voice cracked so badly that I could hardly answer her back.
And this past summer, our days on end of being constantly together caused her to demand my unfailing attention. As the summer' s heat grew more oppressive, I got listless but she became more spirited. Every day I heard, "Mom, let' s go to the park, let' s go to the beach, let' s go to the Wild Animal Park, let' s go, let' s go, let' s go！"
Why the tears then? I stopped walking and sat on a rough rock, on a lovely beach on a glorious day feeling miserable. I should be happy, I thought. No more incessant chatter bombarding me twelve hours a day. Now I could think free, uncluttered thoughts in a stream of connected ideas. I would be free to go back to school or start the business I' d been thinking about. I could go shopping by myself. I could roll up the windows in my car, pick a CD and sing at the top of my lungs.
The truth is, I' d miss having her by my side. I' d become used to having a constant companion for the past five years. "Don' t worry, Mom, we' ll still have our afternoons together." she had reassured me at the breakfast table that morning.
With that thought in mind, I collected my things off the beach and headed for my car. It was time to go pick up my baby—from her first day of school. Oh, my angel, I was looking forward to spending the wonderful afternoon together.
女儿就要上学了。
然而，我还清晰地记得几个星期前的情景，它就像被写在电影剧本里一样在我眼前浮现。“宝贝，再玩五分钟，五分钟过后我们就得走了。”我对五岁的女儿喊道。她已经在太平洋里嬉闹了一个小时了。尽管她是游泳池中的高手，但是在这深蓝色的海洋里就不尽然了。
或许是游在海洋咆哮声中的她没有听到我喊她的名字，或许她听到了，只是不在意我的话——这很难说得清楚。
“嘿，宝贝，时间到了，我们得走了！”我对她说道。她给我一个“再见了，妈妈”的眼神，转身向更远处的海浪游去。我冲了过去，抓住她的胳膊。我的短裤都被浸湿了。
“不！我不想走！”她尖声喊叫着，使劲挣脱了我的手，游得更远点儿。
此时，海水已经超过了她的头顶。我战胜了恐惧与慌乱，这一次紧紧地抓住了她，并开始拖着她向岸边游去。她尖叫着，像掉进陷阱的野兽一样踢打着。细沙粘在我们潮湿的皮肤上。
现在，我已经被气得浑身发抖了。接下来发生的事情令我难以置信。我朝她的屁股上重重地打下去。女儿被这出乎意料的举动惊呆了，停止了歇斯底里的狂躁举动。她全身沾满了沙粒，呆呆地站立在那里，嘴巴长得大大的，惊讶得′不过气来。
“快走！”我从牙缝中挤出这句话的同时，推着她沿着离开海滩的小径走去。她气愤而犹豫地在我身边一跳一跳地走着。我意识到她有话对我说。当她把身体的重心从这条腿上移到另一条腿上时，她含含糊糊的话语变成了断断续续的哭诉。她的脚！现在已经离开了海水，沙子被太阳晒得滚烫！而她的鞋子一直抓在我的手里。“我很抱歉，小甜心。快把鞋子穿上吧。”我把鞋子穿在她那被烫得颤抖的脚上。
那件事都过去好几个星期了。现在已是9月，我独自一人来到那片海滩。在海滩上，泪水不觉间溢满了双眼。我可以想象得到，清晨女儿走进色彩斑斓的幼儿园上学时的样子，这是她第一天上学。她骄傲地把新书包背在肩上，书包上黄色和紫色的小猫、小狗的图案设计，映衬出她无邪的童年。
送她到幼儿园后，我开着车径直来到这片海滩。在这永不停息的海浪声中，一定有某种力量可以宽慰人心。我希望这重击的海浪可以平息我的焦虑之情。
我热切地等待这一天的到来已经整整五年了！当她只有一岁大的时候，我就开始梦想这一天了。那些日子里，她摇摇晃晃地穿行在屋子里，蹒跚地学习走路。我是多么担心她会伤到自己。于是，便跟随在她的左右，像一只大狗熊一样，伸展着胳膊围护着她。
她两岁的时候，我急需结束全职妈妈的角色，便把她交给我的父母照看。我的工作需要频繁地出差，每当我从长途电话里听到她那细小的声音时，我的嗓子就会沙哑得几乎说不出话来。
今年的夏天，我们一直待在一起，这使她时刻依赖着我。当天气越来越炎热的时候，我变得无精打采，而她越发神采奕奕。每天我都会听到女儿对我说：“妈妈，我们去公园玩吧，去海滩吧，去野生动物园吧！去吧，去吧，我们去吧！”
可是，我为什么哭了？在一个有些悲伤的美好日子里，我停下脚步，坐在美丽海滩上一块粗糙的岩石上。我想，我应该高兴才对。再也没有无休止的喋喋声一天24小时折磨我的耳朵。现在，我可以自由地思考了，可以沉浸在思索中而不会被打扰；可以自由地回到学校去继续学习，或者可以开始考虑已久的事业了；我可以一个人去逛街；可以摇起车窗，选一张CD放声歌唱了。
她不再在我身边，这却是事实。在过去的五年里，我已经习惯了有她的陪伴。“妈妈，不用担心，我们下午还是可以在一起的。”那天早上，她在吃早餐的时候安慰我。
想到这些，我收拾起自己的东西，离开海滩朝车走去。这是我第一次接孩子放学，也是孩子第一天去上学。啊，我的小天使，我期待着和你一起度过一个愉快的下午。
