In the four years that followed Hank' s death, Bonnie tried to put her life back together. She was up-and-down, but mostly down. She lived with the frustration of not having said good-bye, of not having the opportunity to said all of the things she wanted to say, of not being able to comfort him, soothe him, help him leave his life and move into the next. She wasn' t prepared for this kind of ending. It was not the way she wanted her best friend, her lover, her partner to die.
When Bonnie finished talking, we both sat in silence for a while. Finally said, "Would you like Cassie' s death to be different from Hank' s? I' m talking now, Bonnie, about euthanasia. With euthanasia, you won' t have to worry about coming home from work and finding Cassie dead,and you can ensure that she won' t die in pain. If we help Cassie die by euthanasia, you can be with her, hold her, talk to her and comfort her. You can peacefully send her on to the next life. The choice is up to you."
Bonnie' s eyes opened wide. Her shoulders relaxed and her face softened in relief.
"I just need control this time," she said. "I want this death to be different from Hank' s—for my girl."
The decision was made to euthanize Cassie that afternoon. I left the two of them alone, and Bonnie and Cassie spent the next few hours lying outside under the maple tree.
When it was time, Bonnie brought Cassie into the client comfort room, an area that those of us associated with The Changes Program had adapted to be more conducive to humane animal death and client grief.
The dog was lying down by Bonnie, who was on the floor on a soft pad. Bonnie began to pet and talk to her. "There you are, girl. You' re right here by Mom. Everything is okay."
The time for euthanasia arrived and Cassie was sleeping peacefully, her head resting on Bonnie' s stomach. She looked comfortable, very much at ease. Dr. Bush whispered, "May we begin the procedure?" And Bonnie nodded in affirmation.
"But first," she said softly, "I would like to say a prayer."
She reached out to take our hands and we all reached out our hands to one another. Within this sacred circle, Bonnie softly prayed, "Dear Lord, thank you for giving me this beautiful dog for the past fourteen years. I know she was a gift from you. Today, as painful as it is, I know it is time to give her back. And, dear Lord, thank you for bringing these women to me. They have helped me beyond measure. I attribute their presence to you. Amen."
Through our tears, we whispered our own "amens", all squeezing one another' s hands in support of the rightfulness of the moment.
And then, while Cassie continued to sleep peacefully on her caretaker' s belly, the doctor gave the dog the final injection. Cassie did not wake up. Through it all, she did not move. She just slipped out of this life into the next. It was quick, peaceful and painless, just as we had predicted. Immediately following Cassie' s passing, I made a clay impression of her front paw. I handed the paw print to Bonnie and she held it tenderly against her cheek. We all sat quietly until Bonnie broke the silence, saying, "If my husband had to die, I wish he could have died this way."
Six weeks later, I received a letter from Bonnie.She had scattered Cassie' s remains on the same mountain where Hank' s were scattered. Now her two best friends were together again. She said somehow Cassie' s death, and especially the way in which she had died, had helped her resolve the death of her husband.
"Cassie' s death was a bridge to Hank for meeting, " she wrote. "Through her death, I let him know that if I had had the choice when he died, I would have had the courage and the dedication necessary to be with him when he died, too. I needed him to know that and I hadn' t been able to find a way. Cassie provided the way. I think that is the reason for and the meaning of her death. Somehow, she knew she could reconnect us，soul to soul. "
Eight months later, Bonnie traveled again from Wyoming to the Veterinary Teaching Hospital. This time, she brought her new, healthy puppy Clyde—a nine-month-old Lab mix, full of life and love. Bonnie was beginning again.
我在科罗拉多州立大学兽医教学医院工作，担任那里的“生活变化”项目顾问。我们帮助那些由于疾病、事故或安乐死等原因失去宠物的人们，治愈他们的心理创伤。
我曾经有一个50多岁的名叫邦妮的来访者，她驱车一个半小时来到医院，想知道是否有医生愿意帮助她那只14岁的纯种黑色卷毛狗。那只狗叫卡桑德拉，人们亲切地叫她卡西，她已经萎靡不振近一周了，似乎还有点儿神志不清。
那天早晨，神经病科医师简·布什告诉她卡西脑袋里有个瘤，随时都有丧命的危险。
邦妮知道她的爱犬身患重病后便心碎欲绝。这时，有人把邦妮介绍给我。“生活变化”心理治疗项目常帮助那些举棋不定的人做决定，是让他们的宠物安乐死还是任其听天由命。
邦妮留着一头略显灰白的淡棕色卷发，用大发夹束在脑后。她有一双能够立即吸引我的炯炯有神的淡蓝色眼睛。她的镇定自若告诉我，她是一个成熟稳重、不草率行事的女子。
邦妮与虐待她的丈夫共同生活了20年。她曾无数次试着离开他，可都没能成功。45岁时，她终于鼓起勇气与那个男人恩断义绝。邦妮为了医治心理创伤，和当时只有4岁的卡西搬到了俄怀明州的拉勒米，开始了新生活。卡西和邦妮相濡以沫。以后即使有再多的艰难，她们也都一起度过。
6年后，邦妮遇到了深爱她的汉克。从未有人像他这样宠爱邦妮。一年后他们喜结良缘。他们的婚姻生活充满了幸福和喜悦。他们相敬如宾，互相关心爱护，共享生活的喜悦与悲伤。邦妮过上了多年来一直向往的理想生活。
一天早晨，汉克准备去他的树木修整服务公司工作。像往常那样，他和邦妮在楼道内拥抱道别，互相倾诉因拥有对方而有的幸福之感。
那天，邦妮没去办公室，而是在家工作。她是一个办公室助理。当天下午晚些时候，电话响了，她拿起话筒，电话那头传来了搜救队队长的声音。邦妮是该队的志愿者，并且有人遇到麻烦时，她往往是首先接到电话通知的志愿者之一。
那天，队长玛吉告诉她说，有人在离邦妮的家两个街区远的输电线上触电了。邦妮马上放下手头的工作，冲出家门，跳上卡车。
邦妮赶到事故现场，眼前的一幕让她永生难忘。她深爱的汉克悬挂在一棵高高的白杨树枝上，生命已经终结。
邦妮把学过的处理触电事故的注意事项全都抛到了脑后，她丝毫没有考虑自己的安全，她必须想尽一切办法抢救汉克。首先她得把汉克从树上放下来，她把卡车上的梯子搬了过来，靠在房子上，开始往上爬，到了屋顶，她就开始把汉克的身体往她这边拉。奇怪的是，虽然邦妮碰到了汉克触到输电线的身体，可她却没有触电。她把汉克拽到屋顶木瓦上，让他的头靠在她的臂弯上。看着汉克那张苍白的脸，她不禁嚎啕大哭起来。汉克的双眸凝视着明亮、湛蓝的怀俄明天空。他走了，真的走了，不会再回来了。邦妮心里非常清楚，和汉克相依相伴的生活已告终结。
汉克死后的4年里，邦妮试着振作起来，开始新的生活。她情绪变化无常，且大多时候忧郁低落。她生活在无尽的沮丧中，因为没能与汉克告别，没有机会向他倾诉内心的一切，没能给他以慰藉，帮助他结束生命，送他到另一个世界。汉克的生命就这样悄无声息地结束了，让她毫无准备。她不想让她最好的朋友、她的爱人、她的伴侣就这样离去。
邦妮讲述完她的故事后，我们沉默了片刻。最后，我说：“你想让卡西的死和汉克的死有所不同，是吗？邦妮，我指的是安乐死。这样你就不必担心下班回家看到卡西已经死去；而且你还能使她毫无痛苦地死去。如果我们给她实行安乐死，你就能在最后时刻陪在她身边，抱着她，与她聊天，抚慰她。你可以平静地把她送往另一个世界。当然了，这一切还是要由你自己来决定。”
邦妮瞪着眼睛听我讲完这些话，两肩松懈下来，脸上也露出宽慰的神情，如释重负。
“这次我一定要自己掌控，”她说，“我想让我女儿的死与汉克的死有所不同。”
我们决定当天下午就对卡西实施安乐死。我让邦妮和卡西单独待在一起。她们在外边的枫树底下躺了几个小时。
