A strange picture we make on our way to our chimaeras, ceaselessly marching, grudging ourselves the time for rest; indefatigable, adventurous pioneers. It is true that we shall never reach the goal; it is even more than probable that there is no such place; and if we lived for centuries and were endowed with the powers of a god, we should find ourselves not much nearer what we wanted at the end. O, toiling hands of mortals! O, unwearied feet, traveling ye know not whither! Soon, soon, it seems to you, you must come forth on some conspicuous hilltop, and but a little way further, against the setting sun, descry the spires of El Dorado. Little do ye know your own blessedness; for to travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive, and the true success is to labour.
人活一世,渴望得到的东西好像很多:不胜枚举的婚姻和决战等;无论身居何方,每天固定的时刻,我们都不可避免地将一份食物津津有味并且迅速地吞入腹中。粗看一下,倾尽所能去获取就是人纷扰一生唯一的目的。然而从精神层面上说,这只是一个假象。如果我们生活幸福,我们就如登梯,步步高升,没有终结。眼光长远的人,天地自然宽。虽然我们蜗居在这颗小行星上,整日为琐事而忙,生命短暂,但我们生来就心比天高,生命不息,奋斗不止。真正的幸福就在于怎样开始而不是怎样结束,是想拥有什么,而不是得到了什么。
渴望是一种永恒的幸福,它是一笔财富,犹如房地产一样踏实,用之不竭、年年受益、幸福一生。精神的富有和这些渴望是成正比的。对于既没有艺术细胞也没有科学细胞的人们而言,世界只是颜色的混合体,或者是一条崎岖的小路,一不小心就会摔伤小腿。正是这些渴望和好奇,吸引人们充满耐心地生活着,形形色色的人和物吸引着你我,促使我们每天醒来可以兴致盎然地工作和娱乐。渴望和好奇是人们打量这个五彩世界的一双眼睛:女人因它而美丽,化石因它而有趣。只要有这两道护身符,即使这个人挥霍无度沦为乞丐,他仍能笑口常开。假设一个人一顿饭吃得紧凑而丰盛,他将不会再饿;假设他把这世间万象看了个明明白白,便不再有求知欲;假设他在每个验领域中都如此——你觉得他的人生还有乐趣吗?
一个徒步旅行的人,随身只带了一本书,他会精心研读,不时地思考一下,还会合上书本凝视风景或者玩赏小酒馆雅间中的?。他害怕书读完了,乐趣也随着消失,剩下的旅程将无以为藉。最近一个年轻人拜读完托马斯·卡莱尔的著作。如果我没记错的话,他把有关腓特列大帝的笔记整整做了十本。“什么?”这个年轻人惊讶地叫道:“卡莱尔的书都看完了?那我只能天天看报纸了?”最典型的例子是亚历山大,因为已无国家供他征服,他号啕大哭。吉本写完《罗马帝国衰亡史》时也只兴奋了一时,他带着一种“清醒而又悲凉的心情”与以往的劳动果实辞别。
我们高兴地把箭射向月亮,却总是毫无效果;我们总是将希望寄托在遥不可及的黄金国上,我们好像什么也没完成。就像芥菜一样,兴趣的收获只是为了下次的耕种。你会想当然地以为孩子出生了,什么麻烦都没了,其实这只是新麻烦的开始。你看着他长大,入学,结婚生子,唉!每天都有新问题、新的感情撞击,你孙儿辈的健康将像你的健康一样牵动着你的心。当你步入婚姻殿堂时,你认为已到顶了,可以轻松地往下走了。但这只是恋爱的终结,婚姻的开始。对于桀骜不驯或者反叛的人来说,坠入爱河和获得爱情都很困难,但维持爱情也很重要,夫妻之间应该相敬如宾。真正的爱情故事从圣坛开始,在每对夫妇面前都有一场关于智慧和慷慨的壮观竞争,他们要为不可能实现的理想终生奋斗。不可能?啊,当然不可能,因为他们不是一个人,而是两个人。
传道者哀叹“著书无止境”,却没有觉察到它已高度评价了作家这一职业。确实,世界上有很多事是无止境的,例如著书立说、旅行、试验、获取财富等。一个问题会引发另一问题。我们必须活到老学到老,我们的学习永远得不到满足。我们从未雕刻出符合我们梦想的塑像。我们发现一个新大陆,·过一座山脉时,总会看到远方还有未曾涉足的海洋和大陆。宇宙浩渺,不像卡莱尔的著作可以读完。即使在其一角,一个私人花园,一个农庄附近,尽管在那里生活一辈子,天气和季节的无常变化也令我们有常看常新的感觉。
世界上只有一种愿望可以实现,也仅有一种事物绝对能得到,那就是死亡。死的方式很多,但没有人知道是否能死得其所。
当我们不作休息,不停地走向幻想时,一幅奇异的?面展现出来:不知疲倦、勇于冒险的先锋。是的,我们永远不会达到目标,甚至目的地根本就不存在。即使活上几百年,具有神的力量,我们也会觉得没有接近目标多少。啊,辛苦的双手!啊,不知疲倦的双脚,并不知道走向何方!你总是觉得,一定能登上某个光辉的山顶,在夕阳下,看到不远的前方黄金国那尖尖的塔。你是处于幸福当中却没有察觉,奋斗胜过得到,真正的成功就是奋斗。
我的人生已逝
My Life Is Over
乔治·吉辛 / George Gissing
乔治·吉辛(1857—1903),英国小说家、散文家。出身贫寒,曾在曼彻斯特读书,毕业后去伦敦谋生。1880年后以教书为生,同时编?撰写小说,内容多是描写下层贫苦群众,是最善于写阴暗面的一个作家。生前赏识他的人不多,直到20世纪,其作品的价值才渐渐为人所发掘。
Nevertheless, my life is over.
What a little thing! I knew how the philosophers had spoken; I repeated their musical phrases about the mortal span—yet never till now believed them. And this is all? A man' s life can be so brief and so vain? Idly would I persuade myself that life, in the true sense, is only now beginning; that the time of sweat and fear was not life at all, and that it now only depends upon my will to lead a worthy existence. That may be a sort of consolation, but it does not obscure the truth that I shall never again see possibilities and promises opening before me. I have "retired," and for me as truly as for the retired tradesman, life is over. I can look back upon its completed course, and what a little thing! I am tempted to laugh; I hold myself within the limit of a smile.
And that is best, to smile not in scorn, but in all forbearance, without too much self-compassion. After all, that dreadful aspect of the thing never really took hold of me;I could put it by without much effort. Life is done—and what matter? Whether it has been, in sum, painful or enjoyable, even now I cannot say—a fact which in itself should prevent me from taking the loss too seriously. What does it matter? Destiny with the hidden face decreed that I should come into being, play my little part, and pass again into silence; is it mine either to approve or to rebel? Let me be grateful that I have suffered no intolerable wrong, no terrible woe of flesh or spirit, such as others—alas! alas! —have found in their lot. Is it not much to have accomplished so large a part of the mortal journey with so much ease? If I find myself astonished at its brevity and small significance, why, that is my own fault; the voices of those gone before had sufficiently warned me. Better to see the truth now, and accept it, than to fall into dread surprise on some day of weakness, and foolishly to cry against fate. I will be glad rather than sorry, and think of the thing no more.
然而,我的人生已逝去。
生命是多么渺小!我知道哲学家们曾说过的话,我曾反复吟诵他们关于人生苦短的如歌语句——但,时至今日我才相信他们的话。这就是一切吗?一个人的生命怎可如此短暂,如此空虚?我徒然说服自己:真正意义上的生活才刚刚起步,汗水和恐惧相随的日子根本不是生活,是否让生活变得很有价值现在仍然取决于我。也许这是自我安慰,但它不能把这样一个事实变得含糊不清,那就是:机会和前途之门将不会再向我敞开。时至当前,我已“退居二线”,实实在在无异于一个退休商人,生命已结束。我可以回顾已走完的人生历程,感叹它的渺小!我忍不住想要大笑一番,可我控制住自己,只是微微一笑。
微笑,一方面带着竭力的忍耐而不是轻视,另一方面又不可过分地自怨自怜,这样便是最好的。毕竟,我从未真正地被困在事情最糟的境遇里,我尚且可以轻松地脱身在外。生命完结了——那又怎样?它究竟是苦是乐,我现在都得不出个结论。是不是事实本身就不需要我这般患得患失呢?有什么关系呢?命运永远不会显露真面目,它召令我的降生,要我扮演那小小角色,然后一切重归沉寂。对此我是顺从,还是叛逆?我心存感激,感激自己没有像别人一样遭遇不可吞忍的冤屈,还有那肉体或心灵上惨重的创伤——唉!唉!我在他们身上所瞥见的这种种冤屈和创伤!人生大部分旅程都安宁地走过,难道还不能让我知足吗?假使我惊诧于生命的短促和空虚,这错误也是我自己亲手酿就的啊!先逝的人们对我敲响警钟:最好现在就看清并接受真理,不然,日后必将陷入惊恐,但却软弱得束手无策,只能愚蠢地呼天抢地,哀怨连连。我宁愿高兴,而不愿悔恨,我也将不再胡思乱想。
人的指导者
Man's Guide
温斯顿·丘吉尔 / Winston Churchill