``Mrs.Macleuchar,--Good woman'' (with an elevated voice)--then apart, ``Old doited hag, she's as deaf as a post--I say, Mrs.Macleuchar!''
``I am just serving a customer.--Indeed, hinny, it will no be a bodle cheaper than I tell ye.''
``Woman,'' reiterated the traveller, ``do you think we can stand here all day till you have cheated that poor servant wench out of her half-year's fee and bountith?''
``Cheated!'' retorted Mrs.Macleuchar, eager to take up the quarrel upon a defensible ground; ``I scorn your words, sir:
you are an uncivil person, and I desire you will not stand there, to slander me at my ain stair-head.''
``The woman,'' said the senior, looking with an arch glance at his destined travelling companion, ``does not understand the words of action.--Woman,'' again turning to the vault, ``Iarraign not thy character, but I desire to know what is become of thy coach?''
``What's your wull?'' answered Mrs.Macleuchar, relapsing into deafness.
``We have taken places, ma'am,'' said the younger stranger, ``in your diligence for Queensferry''--``Which should have been half-way on the road before now,'' continued the elder and more impatient traveller, rising in wrath as he spoke: ``and now in all likelihood we shall miss the tide, and I have business of importance on the other side--and your cursed coach''--``The coach?--Gude guide us, gentlemen, is it no on the stand yet?'' answered the old lady, her shrill tone of expostulation sinking into a kind of apologetic whine.``Is it the coach ye hae been waiting for?''
``What else could have kept us broiling in the sun by the side of the gutter here, you--you faithless woman, eh?''
Mrs.Macleuchar now ascended her trap stair (for such it might be called, though constructed of stone), until her nose came upon a level with the pavement; then, after wiping her spectacles to look for that which she well knew was not to be found, she exclaimed, with well-feigned astonishment, ``Gude guide us--saw ever onybody the like o' that?''
``Yes, you abominable woman,'' vociferated the traveller, ``many have seen the like of it, and all will see the like of it that have anything to do with your trolloping ***;'' then pacing with great indignation before the door of the shop, still as he passed and repassed, like a vessel who gives her broadside as she comes abreast of a hostile fortress, he shot down complaints, threats, and reproaches, on the embarrassed Mrs.Macleuchar.
He would take a post-chaise--he would call a hackney coach--he would take four horses--he must--he would be on the north side, to-day--and all the expense of his journey, besides damages, direct and consequential, arising from delay, should be accumulated on the devoted head of Mrs.Macleuchar.
There, was something so comic in his pettish resentment, that the younger traveller, who was in no such pressing hurry to depart, could not help being amused with it, especially as it was obvious, that every now and then the old gentleman, though very angry, could not help laughing at his own vehemence.
But when Mrs.Macleuchar began also to join in the laughter, he quickly put a stop to her ill-timed merriment.
``Woman,'' said he, ``is that advertisement thine?'' showing a bit of crumpled printed paper: ``Does it not set forth, that, God willing, as you hypocritically express it, the Hawes Fly, or Queensferry Diligence, would set forth to-day at twelve o'clock; and is it not, thou falsest of creatures, now a quarter past twelve, and no such fly or diligence to be seen?--Dost thou know the consequence of seducing the lieges by false reports?--dost thou know it might be brought under the statute of leasing-******? Answer--and for once in thy long, useless, and evil life, let it be in the words of truth and sincerity,--hast thou such a coach?--is it _in rerum natura?_--or is this base annunciation a mere swindle on the incautious to beguile them of their time, their patience, and three shillings of sterling money of this realm?--Hast thou, I say, such a coach? ay or no?''
``O dear, yes, sir; the neighbours ken the diligence weel, green picked oat wi' red--three yellow wheels and a black ane.''
``Woman, thy special description will not serve--it may be only a lie with a circumstance.''
``O, man, man!'' said the overwhelmed Mrs.Macleuchar, totally exhausted at having been so long the butt of his rhetoric, ``take back your three shillings, and make me quit o' ye.''
``Not so fast, not so fast, woman--Will three shillings transport me to Queensferry, agreeably to thy treacherous program?--or will it requite the damage I may sustain by leaving my business undone, or repay the expenses which Imust disburse if I am obliged to tarry a day at the South Ferry for lack of tide?--Will it hire, I say, a pinnace, for which alone the regular price is five shillings?''
Here his argument was cut short by a lumbering noise, which proved to be the advance of the expected vehicle, pressing forward with all the dispatch to which the broken-winded jades that drew it could possibly be urged.With ineffable pleasure, Mrs.Macleuchar saw her tormentor deposited in the leathern convenience; but still, as it was driving off, his head thrust out of the window reminded her, in words drowned amid the rumbling of the wheels, that, if the diligence did not attain the Ferry in time to save the flood-tide, she, Mrs.Macleuchar, should be held responsible for all the consequences that might ensue.
