Just as the saying goes “Different people have different tastes”， it is the same with the “manner”. People from different countries have their own special manners. Because their way of behaving is different from ours， people of other lands may appear to us to be lacking in manners. But other societies have rules that often put to shame our most formal behavior.
Whether you do or do not open a gift in the presence of the giver； whether you put on your coat before or after you leave the host’s house； whether you eat as quietly or as noisily as possible； whether you carry on a conversation during a meal—these and a thousand other customs vary from country to country.
All societies have styles of greetings that are ways of establishing contact. The rules may be tricky， as one woman missionary① found when someone finally told her that for a month she had been using a greeting considered appropriate only for men.
There are rules for entrances and exits. In Western cultures you do not open a closed door without knocking， unless it is your own or one dearly in a public place. Nor do you enter a private house without first being asked to come in.
Most Westerners consider it bad manners to stare at people， but few of them are aware of the fine points of seeing and not seeing that are a part of the behavior patterns in many societies. Unexpected② visitors to a Japanese home may be ignored by the host as he leaves the room to prepare himself to receive the guests. If the visitors are well mannered， they do not “see” the host until the latter returns to the room properly dressed and， for the first time， “sees” his guests.
In almost all societies there are patterns of behavior connected with the giving and receiving of gifts， and there are occasions when gift giving becomes for all practical purposes necessary. In many societies， hosts present gifts to arriving guests， who give gifts in return， or the procedure③ may be reversed， with the guest offering the first gift. It may be extremely important that a return gift be as good or better than the one received， but under no circumstances should it be given in such a way as to appear to be a payment.
We teach children to say “Thank you” for a gift. In much of the rest of the world the child is taught that gifts must be received with both hands. This is in no sense a grabbing gesture but one that says， “This gift is so important that it takes both hands to receive it.” The giver， too， should use both hands， for he is saying， “You are so important that even my small gift must be conveyed to you with both hands.”
Each society has its own rules for the etiquette regarding food. In the Western world， eating noisily or belching④ at the table is considered bad manners； yet in some societies these acts are the proper way to express to your host that you are being adequately⑤ fed and that you are enjoying the food prepared in your honor.
In a book entitled We Chose the Islands， Sir Arthur Grimble tells a story that illustrates a whole catalogue of mistakes that may make a Westerner appear ill-mannered in the eyes of other people. As a young official based in the Gilbert Islands of the South Pacific Ocean， he went to call on the village elder. The man was away， but his seven-year-old granddaughter greeted the guest. She brought a fresh coconut and presented it to him with both hands， murmuring⑥ as she did so， “You shall be blessed.” The young man took the coconut with one hand， drank the milk， and returned the shell with a casual “Thank you.” The child was obviously shocked and， on being pressed for an explanation， she told all.
He should have taken the nut from her with both hands and repeated after her the phrase “You shall be blessed.” He should then have returned the nut to her to urge⑦ her to take the first sip. When it was returned to him he should have said， “Blessings and peace.” After this he could drink the milk in the coconut. He should then have returned the empty shell with both hands. Worst of all， the child told him， was his failure to belch loudly after he had drunk the milk. “How could I know that my food was sweet to you.” she said， “How could I know when you did not belch？”
① missionaryn. 传教士
② unexpectedadj. 突如其来的
③ proceduren. 程序，步骤
④ belchv. 打嗝，嗳气
⑤ adequatelyadv. 适当地，足够地
⑥ murmurv. 私语，小声说话
⑦ urgev. 极力主张，强烈要求
礼节处处
正如那句话所说的“不同的人有不同的口味”，礼节也是这样。来自不同国家的人们有他们各自独特的礼节。由于其行为方式与我们有别，其他地方的人在我们眼里可能会显得缺少礼貌。但是，别的社会的行为准则也常常让我们最规范的行为举止无地自容。
是否该当着送礼人的面拆开礼物；是该在离开主人家之前穿上外衣还是在之后；是该在吃东西时尽量不出声，还是尽量吃出声；是否该在进餐时聊天——这些习俗和许许多多其他的风俗各国都有不同。
所有社会都有进行交往的问候方式。各国的习俗很微妙。有位女传教士，直到最后有人告诉她时，才知道她用了一个月的问候语只适合男人使用。
进门出门也有规定。在西方文化里，不能不先敲门就打开门，除非那是你自己的门或明摆着是公共场所的门。此外，没有得到邀请不该进入私入住宅。
大多数西方人都认为盯着人看很不礼貌，但却很少有人知道什么时候该看见，什么时候该假装没看见的微妙之处，这在许多社会里是行为模式的一部分。在日本，不期而至的客人很可能因主人离开房间去做迎客的准备而被暂时甩在一边。客人如果懂礼貌的话，就该假装没看见主人，等到主人穿戴停当重新出来时才算第一次“看见”他的客人。
在几乎所有的社会里都有一套与赠送和收受礼物相关的行为模式，而且都有出于各种实际需要而必须送礼的场合。在许多社会里，主人先向客人赠送礼物，客人再回赠；次序也可倒过来，由客人先向主人赠送礼品。回礼要和收到的礼品一样好或者更好，这一点特别重要。但是，在任何情况下都不应让人感到你是在抵偿所收到的礼品。
我们教孩子在接收礼物时要说“谢谢”。在世界上其他许多地方，人们教孩子在接收礼物时要用双手。这并不是一种攫取礼物的姿势，而是说，“这礼物太重要了，值得用双手来接受它。”送礼的人也应该用双手，因为他想表示：“您太重要了，所以我这小小的礼物必须用双手奉上。”
每个社会在进食方面都有自己的一套规矩。在西方世界，吃出声响或在餐桌上打嗝被看成是没有礼貌。而在有些社会里，这些行为则是在恰当地向主人表示你已经吃饱了，你非常喜欢为你准备的饭菜。
在一本题为《我们选择海岛》的书中，亚瑟·格林布尔爵士讲了一个故事，其中列举了一系列可能使西方人在别人眼中显得没有礼貌的错误。作为驻在南太平洋海域的吉尔伯特群岛上的一名年轻官员，格林布尔前去拜访村里的长者。那位长者不在，但他7岁的孙女儿接待了来客。她拿来一个新鲜椰子并用双手递给他，口里还低声说着，“您将受到保佑。”年轻人用一只手接过椰子，喝了椰汁。把椰壳还给那女孩时，顺口说了一句，“谢谢。”那孩子大为惊讶。年轻人一再要求她解释时，她才说出了惊讶的原因。
他应该双手接过椰子，并重复她的话“你将受到保佑”。然后他应该把椰子还给她并请她喝第一口椰汁。再接过椰子时，他应该说，“祈神赐福并祝平安。”说完了才能喝椰汁。然后他应该用双手将空壳捧还。那孩子告诉他，最糟的是喝完椰汁之后他没有大声打饱嗝。她说：“您要不打饱嗝，我怎么能知道您觉得我的食物味道好呢？”
