DORAN.Dhat's right.No more meddlin.We're all right now:all we want is to be let alone.
CORNELIUS.Hwat about Home Rule?
BROADBENT [rising so as to address them more imposingly].Ireally cannot tell you what I feel about Home Rule without using the language of hyperbole.
DORAN.Savin Fadher Dempsey's presence,eh?
BROADBENT [not understanding him]Quite so--er--oh yes.All I can say is that as an Englishman I blush for the Union.It is the blackest stain on our national history.I look forward to the time-and it cannot be far distant,gentlemen,because Humanity is looking forward to it too,and insisting on it with no uncertain voice--I look forward to the time when an Irish legislature shall arise once more on the emerald pasture of College Green,and the Union Jack--that detestable symbol of a decadent Imperialism--be replaced by a flag as green as the island over which it waves--a flag on which we shall ask for England only a modest quartering in memory of our great party and of the immortal name of our grand old leader.
DORAN [enthusiastically].Dhat's the style,begob![He smites his knee,and winks at Mat].
MATTHEW.More power to you,Sir!
BROADBENT.I shall leave you now,gentlemen,to your deliberations.I should like to have enlarged on the services rendered by the Liberal Party to the religious faith of the great majority of the people of Ireland;but I shall content myself with saying that in my opinion you should choose no representative who--no matter what his personal creed may be--is not an ardent supporter of ******* of conscience,and is not prepared to prove it by contributions,as lavish as his means will allow,to the great and beneficent work which you,Father Dempsey [Father Dempsey bows],are doing for the people of Rosscullen.Nor should the lighter,but still most important question of the sports of the people be forgotten.The local cricket club--CORNELIUS.The hwat!
DORAN.Nobody plays bats ball here,if dhat's what you mean.
BROADBENT.Well,let us say quoits.I saw two men,I think,last night--but after all,these are questions of detail.The main thing is that your candidate,whoever he may be,shall be a man of some means,able to help the locality instead of burdening it.
And if he were a countryman of my own,the moral effect on the House of Commons would be immense!tremendous!Pardon my saying these few words:nobody feels their impertinence more than I do.
Good morning,gentlemen.
He turns impressively to the gate,and trots away,congratulating himself,with a little twist of his head and cock of his eye,on having done a good stroke of political business.
HAFFIGAN [awestruck].Good morning,sir.
THE REST.Good morning.[They watch him vacantly until he is out of earshot].
CORNELIUS.Hwat d'ye think,Father Dempsey?
FATHER DEMPSEY [indulgently]Well,he hasn't much sense,God help him;but for the matter o that,neither has our present member.
DORAN.Arra musha he's good enough for parliament what is there to do there but gas a bit,an chivy the Goverment,an vote wi dh Irish party?
CORNELIUS [ruminatively].He's the queerest Englishman I ever met.When he opened the paper dhis mornin the first thing he saw was that an English expedition had been bet in a battle in Inja somewhere;an he was as pleased as Punch!Larry told him that if he'd been alive when the news o Waterloo came,he'd a died o grief over it.Bedad I don't think he's quite right in his head.
DORAN.Divil a matther if he has plenty o money.He'll do for us right enough.
MATTHEW [deeply impressed by Broadbent,and unable to understand their levity concerning him].Did you mind what he said about rethrenchment?That was very good,I thought.
FATHER DEMPSEY.You might find out from Larry,Corny,what his means are.God forgive us all!it's poor work spoiling the Egyptians,though we have good warrant for it;so I'd like to know how much spoil there is before I commit meself.[He rises.
They all rise respectfully].
CORNELIUS [ruefully].I'd set me mind on Larry himself for the seat;but I suppose it can't be helped.
FATHER DEMPSEY [consoling him].Well,the boy's young yet;an he has a head on him.Goodbye,all.[He goes out through the gate].
DORAN.I must be goin,too.[He directs Cornelius's attention to what is passing in the road].Look at me bould Englishman shakin hans wid Fadher Dempsey for all the world like a candidate on election day.And look at Fadher Dempsey givin him a squeeze an a wink as much as to say It's all right,me boy.You watch him shakin hans with me too:he's waitn for me.I'll tell him he's as good as elected.[He goes,chuckling mischievously].
CORNELIUS.Come in with me,Mat.I think I'll sell you the pig after all.Come in an wet the bargain.
MATTHEW [instantly dropping into the old whine of the tenant].
I'm afeerd I can't afford the price,sir.[He follows Cornelius into the house].
Larry,newspaper still in hand,comes back through the shrubbery.
Broadbent returns through the gate.
LARRY.Well?What has happened.
BROADBENT [hugely self-satisfied].I think I've done the trick this time.I just gave them a bit of straight talk;and it went home.They were greatly impressed:everyone of those men believes in me and will vote for me when the question of selecting a candidate comes up.After all,whatever you say,Larry,they like an Englishman.They feel they can trust him,I suppose.
LARRY.Oh !they've transferred the honor to you,have they?
BROADBENT [complacently].Well,it was a pretty obvious move,Ishould think.You know,these fellows have plenty of shrewdness in spite of their Irish oddity.[Hodson comes from the house.
Larry sits in Doran's chair and reads].Oh,by the way,Hodson--HODSON [coming between Broadbent and Larry].Yes,sir?
BROADBENT.I want you to be rather particular as to how you treat the people here.
HODSON.I haven't treated any of em yet,sir.If I was to accept all the treats they offer me I shouldn't be able to stand at this present moment,sir.
