When I awoke I seemed conscious that I had dreamt, but could not tell of what.You can imagine my horror, my despair, when I was first addressed as Ragobah's wife.I denied the relation, but everyone told me the same story - I was Ragobah Sahibah.This shock, coming as it did with the memory of my conduct that terrible night on Malabar Hill, nearly killed me, and was followed by another long period of the dream existence.I began to think I was a sufferer from some terrible brain disease, and to doubt which was my real existence, the dreams or the waking moments.
"One day when, for the first time in several weeks, I was in possession of my normal faculties, Ragobah came into my room and sat down beside me.I arose instantly and fled to the farther corner of the apartment.He pursued me and sought to conquer my all too apparent aversion for him by terms of endearment, but the more he pressed his suit the more my loathing grew until, maddened by references made to Darrow Sahib, I lost all self-control and permitted him to learn my detestation of him.He heard me through in silence, his face growing darker with every word, and when I had finished said with slow and studied malice:
"'You forget that you are my wife and that I can follow my entreaty by command.You spurn my love.You are not yet weaned from that English cur whose life, let me tell you, is in my hands.Fool, can you not see how powerless you are? I have but to will you to kill him and your first cursed failure on Malabar Hill will be washed out with his infidel blood.You will do well to yield peaceably.The thread of your very existence passes through my hands, to cut or tangle it as I list - yield you must!' With this he strode frantically from the room, leaving me more dead than alive.As he disclosed his fiendish secret something about my heart kept tightening with every word till, at length, it seemed as if it must burst, so terrible was the pressure.I could not breathe.My lungs seemed filled with molten lead.How long this agony continued I do not know, for the thread of consciousness broke under its terrible tension and I fell senseless upon the floor.
"When I recovered from my swoon the inexpressible horror of my situation again descended upon my spirit like a snuffer upon a candle.I was Ragobah's wife, his slave, his tool, as powerless to resist his will as if I were one of his limbs.All was now clear.
The long sleep, crowded with unremembered dreams, represented the period when I was under Ragobah's control, - the horrible night on Malabar Hill being one of them, - and the waking moments, those periods when my feeble, overridden consciousness flickered back to dimly light for a time the gloom of this intellectual night.There was no hope for me.Already had I been so dominated by his will and inspired by his malice as to attempt the life of my lover.What might I not be made to do in future? As I thought of this, Ragobah's last threat rang with a sinister warning upon my ears till it seemed as if it would drive me into madness.The suspicion grew to be a certainty from which there was but one means of escape - death - and I determined at once to embrace it before I could be made the instrument for the infliction of further injury upon my lover.Iseized a little dagger which in my normal moments I always kept concealed about me, and was about to plunge it into my bosom when Iwas smitten by the thought, - and it cut me as the steel could not have done, - that Darrow Sahib would never know the truth, and that his love for me would be forever buried beneath a mass of black misgivings.The certainty of this conviction paralysed my will, and my arm dropped nervelessly at my side.It would be a ****** matter, I thought, to find some way of confiding my story to you and pledging you to explain everything to Darrow Sahib, after which I could die in peace, if not without regret.But it was not so easy to communicate with you as I had expected.Days passed before I had a chance to make the attempt, and the only result of it was to show me how closely I was watched.If Ragobah were absent, there was always someone in his employ who made it his business to acquaint himself with my every movement.I dare not take the time to tell you how I succeeded in obtaining this interview further than to say that I was able to win to my cause the man who bore my message to you - a servant in whom Ragobah has the utmost confidence.When my husband departed this morning Kandia was left in charge of me, and so your visit was made possible.
"You are now acquainted with the trust I would impose upon you: swear to me, Moro, that you will make this explanation for me to John Darrow and to no other human being! Swear it by the love you once said you bore me!" She sank back exhausted and awaited my response.
For a moment I dared not trust myself to speak, yet something must be said.As I noted her impatience I replied: "Lona, you have lifted a great weight from my heart and placed a lesser one upon it.
Forgive me that I have ever doubted you.Even as you have been true to yourself, I swear by the love I still bear you to deliver your message to Darrow Sahib and to no other human being.I shall commit your words at once to writing that nothing may be lost through the failure of my memory."She reached her hand out feebly to me, and never shall I forget the look of gratitude which accompanied its tremulous pressure as she murmured: "After John, Moro, you are dearest.I shall not try to thank you.May the ineffable peace which you bring my aching heart return a thousand-fold into your own.Farewell.Ragobah may return at any moment.Let us not needlessly imperil your safety.Once more good-bye.The dew-drop now may freely fall into the shining sea." Poor distraught child! She had tried to adopt her lover's religion without abandoning her own.I bent over and kissed her.
It was my first and last kiss and she gave it with a sweet sadness, the memory of which, through all these years, has dwelt in the better part of me, like a fragrance in the vesture of the soul.
