"Drot your pore broken heart," says the baldhead; "what are you heaving your pore broken heart at US f'r? WE hain't done nothing.""No, I know you haven't.I ain't blaming you, gentlemen.I brought myself down -- yes, I did it myself.It's right I should suffer -- perfectly right -- I don't make any moan.""Brought you down from whar? Whar was you brought down from?""Ah, you would not believe me; the world never believes -- let it pass -- 'tis no matter.The secret of my birth --""The secret of your birth! Do you mean to say --""Gentlemen," says the young man, very solemn, "I will reveal it to you, for I feel I may have confidence in you.By rights I am a duke!"Jim's eyes bugged out when he heard that; and I reckon mine did, too.
Then the baldhead says: "No! you can't mean it?""Yes.My great-grandfather, eldest son of the Duke of Bridgewater, fled to this country about the end of the last century, to breathe the pure air of *******; married here, and died, leaving a son, his own father dying about the same time.The second son of the late duke seized the titles and estates -- the infant real duke was ignored.I am the lineal descendant of that infant -- I am the rightful Duke of Bridgewater; and here am I, forlorn, torn from my high estate, hunted of men, despised by the cold world, ragged, worn, heart-broken, and degraded to the companionship of felons on a raft!"Jim pitied him ever so much, and so did I.We tried to comfort him, but he said it warn't much use, he couldn't be much comforted; said if we was a mind to acknowledge him, that would do him more good than most anything else; so we said we would, if he would tell us how.He said we ought to bow when we spoke to him, and say "Your Grace," or "My Lord,"or "Your Lordship" -- and he wouldn't mind it if we called him plain "Bridgewater,"which, he said, was a title anyway, and not a name; and one of us ought to wait on him at dinner, and do any little thing for him he wanted done.
Well, that was all easy, so we done it.All through dinner Jim stood around and waited on him, and says, "Will yo' Grace have some o' dis or some o' dat?" and so on, and a body could see it was mighty pleasing to him.
But the old man got pretty silent by and by -- didn't have much to say, and didn't look pretty comfortable over all that petting that was going on around that duke.He seemed to have something on his mind.So, along in the afternoon, he says:
"Looky here, Bilgewater," he says, "I'm nation sorry for you, but you ain't the only person that's had troubles like that.""No?"
"No you ain't.You ain't the only person that's ben snaked down wrongfully out'n a high place.""Alas!"
"No, you ain't the only person that's had a secret of his birth." And, by jings, HE begins to cry.
"Hold! What do you mean?"
"Bilgewater, kin I trust you?" says the old man, still sort of sobbing.
"To the bitter death!" He took the old man by the hand and squeezed it, and says, "That secret of your being: speak!""Bilgewater, I am the late Dauphin!"
You bet you, Jim and me stared this time.Then the duke says:
"You are what?"
"Yes, my friend, it is too true -- your eyes is lookin' at this very moment on the pore disappeared Dauphin, Looy the Seventeen, son of Looy the Sixteen and Marry Antonette.""You! At your age! No! You mean you're the late Charlemagne; you must be six or seven hundred years old, at the very least.""Trouble has done it, Bilgewater, trouble has done it; trouble has brung these gray hairs and this premature balditude.Yes, gentlemen, you see before you, in blue jeans and misery, the wanderin', exiled, trampled-on, and sufferin' rightful King of France."Well, he cried and took on so that me and Jim didn't know hardly what to do, we was so sorry -- and so glad and proud we'd got him with us, too.
So we set in, like we done before with the duke, and tried to comfort HIM.
But he said it warn't no use, nothing but to be dead and done with it all could do him any good; though he said it often made him feel easier and better for a while if people treated him according to his rights, and got down on one knee to speak to him, and always called him "Your Majesty,"and waited on him first at meals, and didn't set down in his presence till he asked them.So Jim and me set to majestying him, and doing this and that and t'other for him, and standing up till he told us we might set down.This done him heaps of good, and so he got cheerful and comfortable.
But the duke kind of soured on him, and didn't look a bit satisfied with the way things was going; still, the king acted real friendly towards him, and said the duke's great-grandfather and all the other Dukes of Bilgewater was a good deal thought of by HIS father, and was allowed to come to the palace considerable; but the duke stayed huffy a good while, till by and by the king says:
"Like as not we got to be together a blamed long time on this h-yer raft, Bilgewater, and so what's the use o' your bein' sour? It 'll only make things oncomfortable.It ain't my fault I warn't born a duke, it ain't your fault you warn't born a king -- so what's the use to worry? Make the best o' things the way you find 'em, says I -- that's my motto.This ain't no bad thing that we've struck here -- plenty grub and an easy life --come, give us your hand, duke, and le's all be friends."The duke done it, and Jim and me was pretty glad to see it.It took away all the uncomfortableness and we felt mighty good over it, because it would a been a miserable business to have any unfriendliness on the raft; for what you want, above all things, on a raft, is for everybody to be satisfied, and feel right and kind towards the others.
It didn't take me long to make up my mind that these liars warn't no kings nor dukes at all, but just low-down humbugs and frauds.But I never said nothing, never let on; kept it to myself; it's the best way; then you don't have no quarrels, and don't get into no trouble.If they wanted us to call them kings and dukes, I hadn't no objections, 'long as it would keep peace in the family; and it warn't no use to tell Jim, so I didn't tell him.If I never learnt nothing else out of pap, I learnt that the best way to get along with his kind of people is to let them have their own way.
