"`Quit the room, or you are a dead man,' said the ill-looking fellow with the large sword, drawing it at the same time and flourishing it in the air.
"`Down with him!' cried the gentleman in sky-blue, drawing his sword also, and falling back two or three yards.`Down with him!' The lady gave a loud scream.
"Now, my uncle was always remarkable for great boldness, and great presence of mind.All the time that he had appeared so indifferent to what was going on, he had been looking slyly about, for some missile or weapon of defence, and at the very instant when the swords were drawn, he espied, standing in the chimney corner, an old basket-hilted rapier in a rusty scabbard.
At one bound, my uncle caught it in his hand, drew it, flourished it gallantly above his head, called aloud to the lady to keep out of the way, hurled the chair at the man in sky-blue, and the scabbard at the man in plum-colour, and taking advantage of the confusion, fell upon them both, pell-mell.
"Gentlemen, there is an old story--none the worse for being true--regarding a fine young Irish gentleman, who being asked if he could play the fiddle, replied he had no doubt he could, but he couldn't exactly say, for certain, because he had never tried.This is not inapplicable to my uncle and his fencing.He had never had a sword in his hand before, except once when he played Richard the Third at a private theatre: upon which occasion it was arranged with Richmond that he was to be run through, from behind, without showing fight at all.But here he was, cutting and slashing with two experienced swordsmen: thrusting and guarding and poking and slicing, and acquitting himself in the most manful and dexterous manner possible, although up to that time he had never been aware that he had the least notion of the science.It only shows how true the old saying is, that a man never knows what he can do, till he tries, gentlemen.
"The noise of the combat was terrific; each of the three combatants swearing like troopers, and their swords clashing with as much noise as if all the knives and steels in Newport market were rattling together, at the same time.When it was at its very height, the lady (to encourage my uncle most probably) withdrew her hood entirely from her face, and disclosed a countenance of such dazzling beauty, that he would have fought against fifty men, to win one smile from it, and die.He had done wonders before, but now he began to powder away like a raving mad giant.
"At this very moment, the gentleman in sky-blue turning round, and seeing the young lady with her face uncovered, vented an exclamation of rage and jealousy, and, turning his weapon against her beautiful bosom, pointed a thrust at her heart, which caused my uncle to utter a cry of apprehension that made the building ring.The lady stepped lightly aside, and snatching the young man's sword from his hand, before he had recovered his balance, drove him to the wall, and running it through him, and the panelling, up to the very hilt, pinned him there, hard and fast.It was a splendid example.
My uncle, with a loud shout of triumph, and a strength that was irresistible, made his adversary retreat in the same direction, and plunging the old rapier into the very centre of a large red flower in the pattern of his waistcoat, nailed him beside his friend; there they both stood, gentlemen, jerking their arms and legs about, in agony, like the toy-shop figures that are moved by a piece of packthread.My uncle always said, afterwards, that this was one of the surest means he knew of, for disposing of an enemy;but it was liable to one objection on the ground of expense, inasmuch as it involved the loss of a sword for every man disabled.
"`The mail, the mail!' cried the lady, running up to my uncle and throwing her beautiful arms round his neck; `we may yet escape.'
"` May! ' cried my uncle; `why, my dear, there's nobody else to kill, is there?' My uncle was rather disappointed, gentlemen, for he thought a little quiet bit of love-****** would be agreeable after the slaughtering, if it were only to change the subject.
"`We have not an instant to lose here,' said the young lady.`He (pointing to the young gentleman in sky-blue) is the only son of the powerful Marquess of Filletoville.'
"`Well, then, my dear, I'm afraid he'll never come to the title,' said my uncle, looking coolly at the young gentleman as he stood fixed up against the wall, in the cockchafer fashion I have described.You have cut off the entail, my love.'
"`I have been torn from my home and friends by these villains,' said the young lady, her features glowing with indignation.`That wretch would have married me by violence in another hour.'
"`Confound his impudence!' said my uncle, bestowing a very contemptuous look on the dying heir of Filletoville.
"`As you may guess from what you have seen,' said the young lady, `the party were prepared to murder me if I appealed to any one for assistance.
If their accomplices find us here, we are lost.Two minutes hence may be too late.The mail!' With these words, overpowered by her feelings, and the exertion of sticking the young Marquess of Filletoville, she sunk into my uncle's arms.My uncle caught her up, and bore her to the house-door.
There stood the mail, with four long-tailed, flowing-maned, black horses, ready harnessed; but no coachman, no guard, no hostler even, at the horses'
heads.
