"Well then, I shall call him as _amicus curiae;_ and the defendant's counsel can cross-examine him."Fullalove went into the box, was sworn, identified the pocket-book, and swore he had seen fourteen thousand pounds in it on two occasions. With very little prompting, he told the sea-fight, and the Indian darkie's attempt to steal the money, and pointed out Vespasian as the rival darkie who had baffled the attempt. Then he told the shipwreck to an audience now breathless--and imagine the astonished interest with which Julia and Edward listened to this stranger telling them the new strange story of their own father!--and lastly, the attempt of the two French wreckers and assassins, and how it had been baffled. And so the mythical cash was tracked to Boulogne.
The judge then put this question, "Did Captain Dodd tell you what he intended to do with it?"_Fullalove_ (reverently).--I think, my lord, he said he was going to give it to his wife. (Sharply.) Well, what is it, old hoss? What are you ****** mugs at me for? Don't you know it's clean against law to telegraph a citizen in the witness-box?
_The Judge._--This won't do; this won't do.
_The Crier._--Silence in the court.
"Do you hyar now what his lordship says?" said Fullalove, with ready tact. "If you know anything more, come up hyar and swear it like an enlightened citizen; do you think I am going to swear for tew?" With this Vespasian and Fullalove proceeded to change places amidst roars of laughter at the cool off-hand way this pair arranged forensicalities; but Serjeant Saunders requested Fullalove to stay where he was. "Pray sir,"said he slowly, "who retained you for a witness in this cause?"Fullalove looked puzzled.
"Of course somebody asked you to drop in here so very accidentally: come now, who was it?""I'm God Almighty's witness dropped from the clouds, I cal'late.""Come, sir, no prevarication. How came you here just at the nick of time?""Counsellor, when I'm treated polite, I'm ile; but rile me, and I'm thunder stuffed with pison: don't you raise my dander, and I'll tell you.
I have undertaken to educate this yar darkie,"--here he stretched out a long arm, and laid his hand on Vespasian's woolly pate--"and I'm bound to raise him to the Eu-ropean model." (Laughter.) " So I said to him, coming over Westminster Bridge, 'Now there's a store hyar where they sell a very extraordinary Fixin; and it's called Justice; they sell it tarnation dear; _but_ prime. So I make tracks for the very court where I got the prime article three years ago, against a varmint that was breaking the seventh and eighth commandments over me, *****erating my patent and then stealing it. Blast him!" (A roar of laughter.) "And coming along I said this old country's got some good pints after all, old hoss. One is they'll sell you justice dear, _but_ prime in these yar courts, if you were born at Kamschatkee; and the other is, hyar darkies are free as air, disenthralled by the univarsal genius of British liberty; and then Ipitched Counsellor Curran's bunkum into this darkie, and he sucked it in like mother's milk, and in we came on tiptoe, and the first thing we heard was a freeborn Briton treated wus than ever a nigger in Old Kentuck, decoyed away from his gal, shoved into a darned madhouse--the darbies clapped on him----""We don't want your comments on the case, sir.""No, nor any other free and enlightened citizen's, I reckon. Wal, Vespasian and me sat like mice in a snowdrift, and hid our feelings out of good manners, being strangers, till his lordship got e-tarnally fixed about the Captain's pocket-book. Vesp., says I, this hurts my feelings powerful. Says I, this hyar lord did the right thing about my patent: he summed up just: and now he is in an everlasting fix himself: one good turn deserves another, I'll get him out of this fix, any way." Here the witness was interrupted with a roar of laughter that shook the court.
Even the judge leaned back and chuckled, genially though quietly. And right sorrowful was every Briton there when Saunders closed abruptly the cross-examination of Joshua Fullalove.
His lordship then said he wished to ask Vespasian a question.
Saunders lost patience. " What, another _amicus curiae,_ my lud! This is unprecedented.""Excuse my curiosity, Brother Saunders," said the judge ironically. "Iwish to trace this L. 14,000 as far as possible. Have you any particular objection to the truth on this head of evidence?""No, my lud, I never urge objections when I can't enforce them.""Then you are a wise man." (To Vespasian, after he had been sworn), "Pray did Captain Dodd tell you what he intended to do with this money?""Is, massa judge, massa captan told dis child he got a branker in some place in de old country, called Barkinton. And he said dis branker bery good branker, much sartiner not to break dan the brank of England. (Ahowl.) De captan said he take de money to dis yer branker, and den hab no more trouble wid it. Den it off my stomach, de captan say, and dis child heerd him. Yah!"The plaintiff's case being apparently concluded, the judge retired for a few minutes.
