“先生，你问我一年赚多少钱吗？”快乐的皮匠笑道：“我从来不算这笔账，我是一天一天地过日子，总而言之坚持到年底，每天挣足三餐。”
“啊，朋友，那么你一天赚多少钱呢？”
“有时多一点，有时少一点；不过最糟糕的是一年中总有些日子不准我们做买卖，牧师又常常在圣徒名单上添新名字，否则我们的收入也还算不错的。”
银行家被皮匠的直率逗笑了，他说：“我要你从今以后不愁没钱用。这一百枚钱你拿去，小心放好，需要时拿来用吧。”
皮匠觉自己好像看到了过去几百年来大地为人类所需而制造出来的全部财富。他回到家中，埋藏好硬币，同时也埋葬了他的快乐。他不再唱歌了；从他得 到这种痛苦的根源那一刻起，他的嗓子就哑了。睡眠与他分手；取而代之的却是担心、怀疑、虚惊。白天，他的目光尽朝埋藏硬币的方向望；夜间，如果 有只迷途的猫弄出一点声响，他就以为是有人来抢他的钱。最后，这个可怜的皮匠跑到他那富有的邻居家里说：“把你的一百枚钱拿回去，还我的睡眠和 歌声来。”
LoseWin
One teen wrote:
“I, for one, am a big peacemaker. I would much rather take the blame for just about anything than get into an argument. I constantly find myself saying that I am dumb...”
Do you find yourself identifying with this statement? If so, you have fallen into the trap of LoseWin. LoseWin looks prettier on the surface, but it"s just as dangerous as WinLose.
LoseWin is weak. It"s easy to get stepped on. It"s easy to be the nice guy. It"s easy to give in, all in the name of being a peacemaker. It"s easy to let your parents have their way with you rather than try to share your feelings with them.
With a LoseWin attitude you"ll find yourself setting low expectations and compromising your standards again and again. Giving in to peer pressure is LoseWin. Perhaps you don"t want to ditch school, but the group wants you to. So you give in. What"s happened? Well, you lost and they won. That"s called LoseWin.
A girl named Jenny once told me about her wanderings in the world of LoseWin during her eighthgrade year before she finally broke free:
My problems with my mom all started one day when she said to me sarcastically “Wow you"re sure sassy today.” I took it so literally that then and there I decided to close off from her and never talk back to her. I began faking the respect and authority she wanted. So every time she would say something even if I disagreed with her would just say “Okay whatever you want Mom.” Half the time she didn"t even know that things were bothering me because I wouldn"t tell her.
But it really got cold quickly. And my resentment began to build. One night I had just finished talking to my mom about a school assignment to which she said “Oh that"s nice” and then went back to mopping the floor.
“Don"t you even care？” I thought. But I didn"t say anything and stormed off. She had no idea I was even upset. She would have been willing to talk to me had I told her how important it was to me. But it seemed that I was eager to be a victim and to take whatever she dished out.
Eventually I just blew up. “Mom this has got to change. I can"t handle you anymore. You tell me everything you want me to do and I just do it because it"s easier than fighting. Well, I"m sick of it.” I spilled my guts and let her know about all the feelings I had been harboring inside. This all came as a surprise to her.
After my blowup it was really rocky for a while. We felt like we were starting all over in our relationship. But it"s getting better all the time. We discuss things now and I always share my feelings with her.
If you adopt LoseWin as your basic attitude toward life, then people will wipe their dirty feet on you. And that"s a real bummer. You"ll also be hiding your true feelings deep inside. And that"s not healthy.
There is a time to lose, of course. LoseWin is just fine if the issue isn"t that important to you, like if you and your sister can"t agree on who gets which side of the closet or if your mom doesn"t like the way you hold your fork. Let others win the little issues. Just be sure you take a stand on the important things.
If you"re trapped in an abusive relationship, you"re deep into LoseWin. Abuse is a neverending cycle of hurt and reconciliation, hurt and reconciliation. It never gets better. There"s no win in it for you whatsoever, and you need to get out. Don"t think that somehow the abuse is your fault or that somehow you deserve to be abused. That"s how a doormat thinks. No one deserves to be abused, ever.
委曲求全的受气包人生
有位少年写道：
“就我来说，我是个超级和事佬。我宁愿把一切责任揽到头上，也没想过去和别人争论。 我老骂自己是个大笨蛋……”
你是否发现自己也认同这一说法? 如果是这样，你就掉进了损己利人的陷阱。表面上看，损己利人更“体面”。但是，这和损人利己同样危险。
损己利人是懦弱的表现，别人随便就能踩你一脚。做个老好人，容易。以老好人的名义妥协，分分钟的事。让父母驾驭你的思想，而不去尝试与他们 沟通，轻而易举。
但是，损己利人，你会发现自己定的期待值会很低，处世原则也会一再妥协。损己利人，你会屈服于同伴的压力。也许你不想逃学，但大伙儿希望你 逃。于是你做出让步。结果呢？得，你输了，他们赢了。这就是所谓的“损己利人”。
一位叫詹妮的女孩，讲述了她读八年级时徘徊在“损己利人”的泥潭中、直到最后才得以解脱的事：
有一天，妈妈挖苦我说：“你今天真时髦。”问题就出在那一天：我当真了，随即决定从此向她关闭心扉，也不和她顶嘴了。我开始装出尊敬她、对 她言听计从的样子。因此呢，每一次，不管她说什么，哪怕我不赞成，我也会说：“行，您说怎样就怎样吧，妈妈。”相当长一段时间，她甚至不知道她 说的事很烦我，因为我不愿意告诉她。
但是，事情很快就搞僵了，我的不满慢慢淤积起来。一天夜里，我跟妈妈谈起学校里的功课，她听后只是淡淡说了一句：“嗯，不错”，然后继续拖 地去了！
我心想：“您就一点都不关心吗？”但是，我嘴里什么都没说，气冲冲地走了。她根本就不晓得我心里有多烦。本来呢，要是我跟她讲讲这件事的重 要性，她肯定愿意跟我聊下去的。 但是，我更愿意做个牺牲品，她嘴里蹦出什么我都认了。
最后，我终于爆发了。“妈妈，咱们得改一改了。我不想再应付你了。你叫我干啥我就干啥，因为这比反抗来得容易。得，我烦死了。”我把五肺六 腑都倒了出来，就想要她知道我内心真实的感受。这让她大吃一惊。
我爆发之后，有一阵子关系还真僵。我们都觉得母女关系要推倒重来，但现在一切都在朝好的方面发展。现在，我们凡事一起商量，我总是让她了解 我的感觉。
如果你在生活中采取损己利人的态度，那么别人就会把你当门垫，拿你去蹭他们的脏脚。这才真叫人烦呢。你的真实感情还要深藏不露，这于健康也 不利。
当然，有时候我们需要妥协。对于无足轻重的事--例如，你和妹妹在分衣柜时存在分歧，或者妈妈不喜欢你们拿餐叉的样子--损己利人又何妨？ 小事让别人赢。事件的关键是：在重大问题上站稳立场。
如果掉进了自虐的陷阱，你就会深陷损己利人的泥潭不能自拔。自虐是一个没完没了的恶性循环：受伤，让步，再受伤，再让步……事情永远没有转机。 对你来说，永远没有赢的时候。你需要从中解脱出来，不要认为横竖都是你的错，以为自己横竖活该。门口的擦鞋垫就是这么想的。没有人该受虐待，永 远没有。
