Each year， especially as we get older， little things change and during the holiday season is when you realize it. It almost brings a pain to a little place in your heart where all your hidden feelings go. The worst was the year after two of my grandparents had past away. Besides going to my mom’s mother’s house on Christmas Eve， and my dad’s parent’s house on Christmas Day， we just had our family over to our house on Christmas Day. Now when I think back to it， I miss having my grandfather slide our presents across the floor. I even miss him calling me my nickname“Jessie”， even though I can’t stand when people call me that.
Things change， not always for the good， but not always for the bad either. And the things that don’t change have the most important meaning to us， and I’m sure they will for the rest of our lives. After all， every time I hear my father’s words “All right you guys， come on down， nice and slow and we go down the stairs in age descending order， first my older brother， then me， then my sister， then my younger brother， I still get the same feelings in the pit of my stomach...the feelings of love， giving， peace， and most of all the true Christmas spirit.
每一年的圣诞节清晨，我和兄弟姐妹们都会焦急地等着父亲叫道：好了，可以下来了。通常我都是第一个醒来。我对圣诞节的记忆可以追溯到大约六七岁的时候。我清楚地记得每年从感恩节开始，我心中对圣诞季节的期盼就与日俱增。
如今翻看圣诞饰品盒的时候，我看到的装饰品还是和童年时代一模一样：写有我们出生年份的装饰物；五只圣诞袜，其中四只是给孩子的，剩下一只是给小狗的；还有父亲的“冬日村庄”模型，每年他都会把它放在壁炉架上。以前，决定什么时候挂上这些饰品对我们而言是一件轻松的事情。但现在因为我们都有了自己的工作和社交生活，这事儿也变成了一项仓促的任务。我也不记得到底是从哪一年开始，我们不再看每年必看的《银色圣诞》了。
每一年，尤其随着我们渐渐长大，细小的事情开始发生改变，而我们往往就是在节假期间察觉到这些变化的。这几乎让我们心中收藏着最隐秘情感的角落感到隐隐作痛。最糟的时候是两位祖父母去世那一年。圣诞节前夜我们家会去我的外祖母家，圣诞当天就去我祖父母家，要不然就是在圣诞节那一天全家人都过来我们家里。现在回想起来，我很怀念祖父推着那些礼物滑过地板，甚至怀念他叫我的小名“杰西”，虽然我讨厌别人这样叫我。
事物总是在变化，不一定都会变得更好，也不一定都会变得更糟。而不变的事情对我们总有最重要的意义，我确信这些事情将伴随我们的一生。每次当我听到父亲说“好了，孩子们，下来吧，乖乖的，慢慢来”。然后我们兄妹几个就按从大到小的顺序走下楼梯，先是我哥哥，接着是我，随后是妹妹，最后是弟弟。流年似水，我内心深处的情感却依旧未变……那就是爱、付出、平静，以及最重要的一点——圣诞的本质。
Hope and comfort.
希望与安慰
Charley goes to the hospital to visit his wife.
“How are you feeling？” he asks， sitting at the bedside， close to Dolly who is smiling at him， her black hair resting against the white pillows.
“I’m fine，” Dolly says quietly. She looks old and tired to Charley； she is deathly pale and has black pouches under her eyes.
“You look tired，” Charley says. “Aren"t you sleeping？”
“I was a bit restless last night.”
Dolly does not mention the pain： she doesn"t want to worry her husband.
“Any word from Linda？” she asks.
“She phoned again last night. I told her you were fine. I said there was nothing to worry about.”
Linda， their eldest child， teaches in a university. Linda will come home for the holiday in August. Their son Colin and his children live in Australia. Colin hasn"t been told that his mother is unwell. Colin"t a worrier： it"s best he"s not upset.
Charley gazes across the hospital ward， bright with pale afternoon sunlight. Other visitors are doing their duties， gathering around the sick， bringing flowers and fruit， offering words of hope and comfort.
“Have you seen the doctor again？” Charley asks his wife.
“Tomorrow maybe.”
“Any idea how long they"ll keep you in？”
Dolly turns away and coughs into a tissue， then settles back. She takes Charley"s hand again.
“They"ll let me know on Monday. They have to do lots more tests. They won"t let me home until they know. I"m sorry to be such a bother.”
Dolly"s small chest heaves under her heavy nightdress. Charley thinks of a frightened bird. He used to call her “Sweet Dolores？ long ago when he mocked her sorrowful eyes and the way she took everything too seriously. He can"t help wondering if she made herself sick with worry.
Poor Dolly！
“Are you managing all right， darling？”
“Yes.”
Charley is eating out and staying away from the house as much as possible. He"s managing all right.
The minutes pass. Charley is watching the visitors and glancing at the small alarm clock beside his wife"s bed. He can hear its ticking. And he recalls the annoying ring when it dragged his wife from bed at the crack of dawn， and moments later her breakfast sounds clattering in the kitchen keeping him awake， reminding him that there"s a day"s work ahead and children to be schooled.
Tic-tic-tic-tic- tic-tic-tic.
