As I learn and practice more and more， I can say to the one I love： "I love you， I value you， I respect you and I trust that you have the strength to become all that it is possible for you to become — if I don"t get in your way. I love you so much that I can set you free to walk beside me in joy and in sadness. I will share your tears but I will not ask you not to cry. I will respond to your needs. I will care and comfort you， but I will not hold you up when you can walk alone. I will stand ready to be with you in your grief and loneliness but I will not take it away from you. I will strive to listen to your meaning as well as your word， but I shall not always agree. Sometimes I will be angry and when I am， I will try to tell you openly so that I need not hate our differences or feel estranged. I can not always be with you or hear what you say for there are times when I must listen to myself and care for myself， and when that happens I will be as honest with you as I can be."
I am learning to say this， whether it be in words or in my way of being with others and myself， to those I love and for whom I care. And this I call loving with an open hand.
I cannot always keep my hands off the cocoon， but I am getting better at it！
前几天和一位朋友闲聊时，我想起今年夏天听到的一个故事：“有个人很富有同情心，看到一只蝴蝶拼命挣扎想冲破茧的束缚，就帮了个忙，轻轻地解开茧丝使其露出一个缺口。蝴蝶得到解放，从茧中出来振翅欲飞，然而却飞不起来。这位富有同情心的人所不知道的是，只有经过挣扎破茧而出，翅膀才能变得强壮，可以飞翔。这只蝴蝶短暂的生命只能在地上度过了，它从未尝过自由的滋味，没有真正享受过生活。”
我把它叫做学会放爱一条生路。这个教训经历了痛苦的锻造和耐心的洗礼，我才逐渐认识到。我学会了必须给所爱的人自由，如果我抓得太紧、紧握不放、设法控制，结果可能会失去他们。
如果我试图改变所爱的人，仅仅因为我觉得他/她应该这样，就等于是掠夺了他/她的一项珍贵的权利，即他/她对自己生命的责任权和生活方式的选择权。无论何时我把自己的意志和权力强加给别人，都会导致他/她无法完全成长和成熟。无论我的意图多么善良，我的控制行为还是限制和阻碍了他们。
即使保护或关心这种最善意的行为也会限制和伤害别人。“你无法照顾自己，我必须照顾你，因为你是我的，我要对你负责。”对别人说这么动人的语言远远超越了你的权力。
随着我学习和锻炼的增多，现在我会这样告诉我爱的人：“我爱你、珍惜你、尊重你，我相信你有足够的实力发展成为你想要成为的人——如果我不阻碍你的话。我是那么爱你，所以我给你自由，和我共享欢乐与悲伤。我会和你一起流泪，但我不会要求你停止哭泣。我会满足你的需要，关心你、安慰你，但在你能够独立行走时我不会阻挡你。我会时刻准备好，在你悲伤和孤独时站到你身边，但我不会把你的悲伤和孤独带走。我会尽力理解你的话语及其中涵义，但不会总是赞同。有时我会生气，当我生气时，我会尽量坦率地告诉你，这样我就不会对我们之间的分歧怀恨于心，产生疏远的感觉。我无法时刻与你在一起，或者听你诉说，因为有时我需要倾听自己，关心自己，当这些发生时，我会尽量告诉你。”
对于那些我所爱和所关心的人，我正在学习这样表达，无论是用语言，还是用我对待他人及自己的方式，我把这种方式叫做放爱一条生路。
我不会总把双手从茧的身旁移开，但我正在逐渐进步！
被爱也需要勇气
Also need the courage to be loved
My husband and I had been together for six years， and with him I had watched as his young chil dren be came young teenagers. They never say “I love you” or even call me Mom. And I didn’t ask them to do this way， because I knew that I can’t take the place of their real mother. When the chil dren went to college， we prompt ly set up an e-mail and chat-line service to keep in touch with them.
Late one evening， as my husband snoozed1 and I was catching up on my e-mail， an “instant message” from Margo， my stepdaughter， ap peared on the screen. As we had done in the past， we sent sev er al messages back and forth， ex chang ing the latest news. That night she didn’t ask if it was me or her dad on the other end of the keyboard， and I didn’t identify my self either. After a while， I commented2 that it was late and I should get to sleep. The return mes sage read， “Okay， talk to you later！ Love you！”
A wave of sadness ran through me， and I re al ized that she must have thought she was writing to her father. I simply responded， “Love you， too！ Have a good sleep！”
Then， Margo’s final message appeared： “Tell Dad good night for me， too.”
Suddenly， I realized that they’ve loved me for so many years. It’s me who dare not to accept. I kept the chatting record preciously. It often reminds that the one to be loved should have courage， too.
我和丈夫结婚六年了，而且他的孩子们已经长成了青年人。这一切我和他都看在眼里。他们从没说过“我爱你”，甚至都没叫过我“妈妈”，而我也从未要求他们改变称呼，因为我觉得自己不能够取代孩子生母的位置。继女和继子上大学后，我和丈夫立刻申请了一个免费账户，通过电子邮件和网络聊天室同他们保持联系。
一天深夜，我丈夫已经小睡，我正在上网查看邮件，一封来自我继女玛欧的急件映入眼帘。我们通过发送信息进行沟通，继而还谈起了最近的见闻趣事。那天晚上，她始终都没问键盘那头的人是我还是她爸爸，而我也没有说明。聊了一会儿，我在告诉她：“时间不早了，我要去睡觉了。”玛欧回答：“好的，以后再和你聊，我爱你！”
那时我才意识到她误以为我是她爸爸。我心头涌起阵阵伤感，但又不忍让玛欧失望，我便简单回复说：“我也爱你！晚安！”
随即，玛欧的最后留言也出现在屏幕上：“也代我向爸爸说声‘晚安’。”
我突然明白过来，这么多年他们一直爱着我，而我却不敢接受他们的爱。我一直珍藏着这段聊天记录，它时时提醒我——被爱也需要勇气。
美丽的错吻
Beautiful wrong kiss
Mr. Baumann’s doctors had warned him and his wife that he was at high risk for a heart attack. But when the attack actually came， Mrs. Baumann still wasn’t prepared. 1）Gripped with shock， fear， and 2）panic， she rode by her husband’s side in the ambulance， repeatedly crying.
At the hospital， the nurses had to pull Mrs. Baumann away from her husband so the doctors could examine him. After they had successfully stabilized his heart， Mrs. Baumann rushed down the hall to the telephones to call each of their seven children. With tears of exhaustion and relief， she told them of their father’s heart attack， assuring them that his condition was now stable.
But when Mrs. Baumann returned to her husband’s room， she 3）gasped at the sight before her. Two nurses stood over her husband. Tubes ran in and out of his 4）trembling body， and machines and 5）monitors were 6）humming and 7）beeping. His face was bright red， and he was 8）gasping for breath.
“What have you done to my husband？” she cried.
One of the nurses explained， as sympathetically as possible， that he had suffered a 9）massive 10）stroke.
A stroke！ 11）On top of the heart attack！ Mrs. Baumann couldn’t control her emotions. Overcome with grief and blinded by tears， she grabbed her husband’s head off the pillow. She held him tightly in her arms， calling out his name and kissing his lips.
At that very moment， the doctor walked in and demanded， “Mrs. Baumann， what do you think you’re doing？”
She turned to the doctor and 12）hotly declared， “The question is， Doctor， what have you done to my husband？”
The doctor shook his head and 13）chuckled， “Mrs. Baumann， that is not your husband！”
For a moment， Mrs. Baumann was so stunned she couldn’t speak. Then she looked more carefully at the man on the bed.
“He’s...he’s...not！” she cried， turning a dark shade of 14）crimson. “Oh no！ Oh dear！ Oh no！”
Gently a nurse 15）escorted Mrs. Baumann out into the hall.
“Why didn’t that man try to stop me？” asked Mrs. Baumann.
“Because of his stroke， he’s unable to move or to speak，” the nurse answered.
Mrs. Baumann gasped. “And now he must be wondering why that strange lady kissed him！”
As soon as they entered her husband’s room， Mrs. Baumann rushed to her husband’s side and kissed him. Then， still very shaken， she 16）related her mistake. “He had so many tubes and...and...I hope I didn’t hurt him， Bernie！”
